Biblical Family Counseling Audio Library at Grace Baptist Church

Fixing Your Self-Esteem - Part 1
Various Texts

Dr. Charles Hodges
I. Introduction

	A. Self-love/esteem/worth philosophy has become part of the fabric of our society. It has become an easy explanation for sins and problems of all kinds. B. There are several reasons we should be suspicious of the idea.
		1. It has only been viewed as a "Christian" idea since the 1970. 2. Research indicates that it does not work (footnote) 3. It has not been held as true by the church. II Tim. 3:1-2 4. The Bible denies it as has historic Christianity. Phil 2:3-4 5. For many it has replaced the Bible in dealing with sin. 6. It steals glory that belongs to God. Jer. 9:23-24
II. What is Self image/esteem/worth and self love?
	A. Concept of self image/esteem/worth can be best described as a judgment one makes as he evaluates himself. See list of inadequacies and inferiorities.
		1. Self image is the conclusion we come to as we answer the questions. 2. Feelings are generated by the conclusions. 3. Self image is a thought process, not a part of my being.
	B. Self image is not an emotion or feeling but cognition or thinking.
		1. It starts as a thought process 2. The person then feels good or bad about the thought. 3. The objective of the Christian is not a good or positive self image but an accurate one based on Biblically correct perceptions and evaluations.
III. How can we help?
	A. The solution is paradoxical.
		1. Instructing counselee to love themselves does not help. 2. Attempts to satisfy the perceived need for self worth will not satisfy that need and may only increase it.
	B. The counselee needs to turn his attention away from his own need and onto Christ and the needs of others. Luke 9:23-25
		1. The Biblical solution to the problems of self worth is reserved for Christians. Non-believers need evangelism. 2. The Christian is called to deny self not love self. Those living in sin and selfishness must repent 3. Then they must take up the cross and follow Christ and set aside selfish desires and replace them with serving the Lord.
	C. Data Gathering.
		1. Work with the counselee to identify historical events that predate the current problem thinking and behavior. 2. How did the counselee respond in thought and action? Did the response show a lack of scriptural knowledge, poor stewardship or outright sin? Did they sin into this problem or were they sinned against? 3. What idols of the heart grew out of the event and their response? 4. What thinking and behavior are present as a result?
	D. Give Hope!
		1. Those who believe they are worthless, unlovable and unloved need hope. Explain 1 Cor.10:13 and have them memorize it. 2. Christ and Your Problems , in the first homework assignment. 3. Lay the groundwork to make certain you are dealing with a believer. As homework give them a gospel tract to read and underline to be discussed at the next visit.
	E. Second session. Change their motive.
		1. Their motive has been to feel better by esteeming self and by dealing with those who have caused my problem. 2. Motive must become Biblical. 3. 2 Cor.5:9 "I want to glorify God with my life more than I want to breathe!" God becomes the primary object of our thinking and action. Matt. 6:21 Where is your treasure and heart? 4. Matt. 22:37-39. This is expressed by Loving God with all our being and then loving others. 5. John 14:21 Those who love God will keep his commandments including those that apply to how we relate to others. 6. John 13:12-17. The counselee who loves God and others will serve others as Jesus did. When we serve it takes our minds off our own problems. Do the things you Know and be Blessed. 7. Nail down the issue of Salvation by reviewing the gospel tract. 8. Practical assignments.
			a. Church attendance is a must. Heb.10:24-25 b. Daily Bible reading. Psalm 19:7-9 1Peter 2:1-2 c. Daily Prayer particularly for others. d. Daily Journal for homework performance.
		9. Accountability partner. Prov.27:17
			a. Counselee needs a friend to help them b. Meet in another hour during the week. c. Study another resource on progressive sanctification. d. Check on homework e. Pray together.
		10. Christian service should begin in the second week.
			a. Someone worse off than they are. Not a relative. b. Must be a person. Counselee cannot be paid. c. Work needs to be done two hours a week.
	F. Third Session
		1. Progressive sanctification. Ephesians 4:22-24
			a. Growth and Change does not depend on our efforts even though we must participate by "putting off." b. Change is empowered by the Holy Spirit. Zech.4:6, Eph.1:18-20, Change is God’s work. Eph.2:8-10 c. Believers are not obligated to or enslaved to sin. Romans 6:1-8 d. The counselee needs to put off his desire to be esteemed by others and put on a biblical response.
		2. A drill to change thinking and acting.
			a. Constant thinking on the need to be esteemed by self or others amounts to worry and is a sin. Phil 4:6 b. Confess it as such to God and seek his forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 c. Thank God for the circumstances that have resulted in the bad feelings. James:1:2-5. d. Pray and ask God how to grow in the situation. Ask for a better solution. Luke 22:42 e. Recite Romans 8:1 and 8:28-29 f. Decide who you are going to serve in the place of serving self and focus thought and action on doing that. 1 Cor. 10:24 g. Diary the process at an appropriate time. h. At first the counselee will need to do this many times a day whenever thinking drifts to the need for self worth. Persistent training will lead to habit and then character.
	G. Fourth Session: Putting on an accurate self image.
		1. Counselee needs to be called to repent of disagreeing with the truth scripture teaches about believers. 2. The scriptures do not describe believers as worthless, unlovable, or unloved. 3. The goal is to teach the counselee an accurate assessment from the scriptures. Rom. 12:3. 4. This requires honesty in thinking and communication. See Four Rules of Communication. 5. A variety of scriptures can be used to show how God describes believers. Rom.4:22-24 Credited as righteous. Rom.5:17 Declared as justified. 6. Ephesians 1:4-10 Paul describes those in Christ as blessed, chosen, holy, blameless, predestined, adopted, loved, redeemed, forgiven, and rich. Eph.2:8-10 God has purpose for us as he created us for good works. 7. The counselee cannot continue to deny the truth of scripture and blame their feelings and actions on others. 8. Use the drill above in F2 to promote changing thinking and action.

A Father's Advice on Father's Day
Various Texts

Dr. Charles Hodges
Introduction

I. Good Fathers are Faith-full Fathers

A. Abraham is the Example of Faith in a Father's Life.
B. Abraham became a father because of Faith.
C. When Abraham was faithful he did Well.
D. When Abraham did not act on faith, he did Poorly.

II. Good Fathers know when to Quit.

A. Zebedee knew when his job was done and why he did it.
B. Zebedee did not raise his sons to Meet His Needs.
C. When Zebedee could have complained he said nothing.

III. Good Fathers are good Husbands

A. Zacharias loved Elizabeth more than Children.
B. The kind of husband you are influences your sons.
C. The Greatest man born of women!

IV. Deus ex Machina

A. Fathers Provide for their own.
B. Good Fathers discipline children.

Conclusion: Being a good father means Finishing the Job.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Notes

Dr. Charles Hodges

I. Definition.

A. "a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or serious personal assaults like rape." This definition is found on the website for the National Center for PTSD, Department of Veteran affairs at http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ Most of the information on this site is helpful.

II. History

A. A changing disorder with changing military tactics.

1. During the Civil war the problem was called "Da Costa Syndrome."
2. During WW 1 was called shell shock.
3. In WW II it became battle fatigue
4. Since Viet Nam the disorder has been called PTSD
5. Changes in the deadly nature of war and improving on the battlefield healthcare may account for the numbers of military personnel with the problem.

III. Diagnostic Criteria for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which

1. The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with threatened death or injury
2. The person’s response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.

B. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or dreams of the event.

3. Acting or feeling as if reliving the experience, with illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated
4. Intense psychological distress and physiologic reactivity at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event

C. Persistent avoidance of trauma associated:

1. Thoughts, feelings, conversations, activities, places, or people
2. Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma.

D. Persistent personality changes

1. Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.
2. Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others.
3. Restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings).
4. Sense of a foreshortened future

E. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal with sleep disturbances, anger, difficulty in concentration, hyper-vigilance, and exaggerated startle response.

F. Duration of the disturbance is more than one month.

G. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of function. The above is condensed from the article “Diagnosis and Management of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Grinage, www.aafp.org p2402, vol 68/12, Dec. 15, 2003. The complete criteria can be found at aafp.org in the PDF format.

IV. Current Medical/Psychiatric Treatment.
A. Behavior/Lifestyle Changes

1. Education, support groups, relaxation techniques, recreation, work, exercise, service to others, building friendships
2. Safe environment at home and work.
3. Avoiding destructive coping habits: smoking, drinking, drugs, social isolation, "workaholism", continuous avoidance, violent behavior, anger.

B. Psychiatric/Psychological treatment.

1. Cognitive Behavioral therapy
2. Exposure Therapy

C. Medical care

1. Sleep disturbances, REM Sleep disorder, Sleep Deprivation.
2. Chronic medical problems that adversely affect sleep and mood need to be treated.
3. Medication for Anxiety and Depression.

V. What does Biblical Counseling have to offer? 2 Peter 1:3
A. Elijah was a man just like us! In 1Kings 19, Elijah meets the criteria for PTSD.

1. The traumatic event is his killing the 500 prophets of Baal.
2. He was mortally afraid of Jezebel. He repeats his fears multiple times.
3. He responds to the recollection the same each time.
4. He ran to avoid meeting Jezebel and her crowd.
5. He was operating under the delusion of being the "only one left."
6. Elijah felt isolated, was a loner, and believed his life was going to be short!
7. We know he persisted in this state for more than a month.

B What did God do to help Elijah?

1. He lets Elijah run. Sometimes people have to cry.
2. God put Elijah in a safe environment. Elijah never was in danger. Counselee needs a perceived safe place. Also needs to sleep. Physician’s help required here perhaps.
3. Gods sends an angel with food and water. Physical needs must be met with mercy.
4. God sends Elijah running. Literal physical work is good!
5. Be patient! God is patient and listens to Elijah. He watched him run in the wrong direction for 40 days.
6. After 40 days, God gets to the point with Elijah. God does not directly answer his statement. He shows Elijah his power. The counselee must see God’s power in his word to deal with the issues of fear and worry/ trust, anger/forgiveness, Guilt/forgiveness, personal loss/ growth and change. The must come to see themselves as soldiers in Christ’s army who are victors instead of victims of circumstances beyond their control.
7. God repeats the question, "What are you doing here?" The answer is nothing of value! God sends Elijah back the way he came, with specific instructions about the work he is to do. He then tells him that he never was alone! PTSD counselee’s have to return to the normal routine of the Christian life. REGULAR hours, meals, exercise, work, Bible reading, prayer, church attendance, fellowship, small group accountability, service to others, and memorization of Scripture.
8. Counselee needs a Biblical plan to deal with Worry and fear.

Body, Heart, Soul, Mind, Spirit, and Behavior

Dr. Charles Hodges

A. Where does our behavior come from?

1. Hebrews 4:12 A tricky division problem.
2. Practical simple division.
3. Where is our soul?
4. The Matthew 22:37 clue.
5. The "modest proposal" of Matthew 5:29-30.
6. The scarecrow was right! All I want is a diploma.

B. Bibleworks and the heart / soul / spirit / mind or hssm.

1. Where does the heart never pump blood?
2. Heart used as mind Gen.17:7, emotion Ex.4:14, will Ex. 35:5, broken moral compass Matt. 5:18
3. Soul used as mind Deut.4:55, emotion Matt.26:38, John 12:17, will 1Chron.22:19, person Eze.18:4
4. Spirit used as emotion Gen.41:8, mind Ex.28:3, emotion Job 7:11, will Mark 14:38.
5. The Body/heart, spirit, soul, mind division. Luke 23:46, John 19:30.
John uses spirit to mean person, I John 4:1-3
6. Mind is used as we might expect.

C. What is the Point?

1. Heart, soul, spirit, and mind are used interchangeably.
2. Our bodies carry that hssm and they interact.
3. When Christ commands us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, He wants all our attention.
4. How our bodies operate affects our hssm function. Eze.18:4, Romans 1, Psalm 51, Prov.28:13, 1Cor.11:30.
5. All of us will either be sick or eventually die.
6. We have a choice in how we face it. Prov 18:14
7. We can have joy and grow, James 1:2-5, Rom. 8:28-29, or we can fret, worry, and sin. Ps.37:1-8.
8. The conclusion: we have bodies, minds, souls, spirits, and hearts.
While we live, they are not divisible. They affect each other.

D. The Case History: Depression as a disease?

1. 30 something rich white female depressed 5 years.
2. Wants to stop her medicine but is afraid.
3. Insomnia has been a great part of the problem
4. She feels locked in an emotional prison.
5. Leads an exemplary life. In excellent physical condition. Seems to be in excellent spiritual condition.
6. Is this a Biblical problem or a physical one?
7. If there is no “spiritual problem” is it a medical one?
8. Do not feel obligated to accept this premise!
9. Stopping medication and facing withdrawal
10. The struggles and insomnia returns.
11. Failure to ask, disclose, or understand the importance.
12. Biblical principles lift the depression.

E. Some things just won’t stay fixed!

1. In four months insomnia has returned with desperation.
2. Now there were more medical questions.
3. I wrote her the script, but demanded a sleep study.
4. There was a cause! OSA! CPAP the solution.
5. Now weaning off the medicine.
6. There were sin problems and physical problems!

F. What do we learn from a story like this?

1. Behavior Disorders do not appear without a cause.
2. Real physical aliments effect our emotional/spiritual responses.
3. Look for habits of living that have a “hssm” effect.
4. We are fearfully and wonderfully made!
5. Back to Hebrews 4:12. Motive matters!

Disease or Not?

Dr. Charles Hodges

A. Counselees often sincerely believe that they have a disease which holds their behavior captive. They are armed with the labels PTSD, OCD, ADHD, SAD, BPD, ADD and others. What is fact in all of this and what is fiction?

B. What is the definition of disease?

1. The Surgeon General - Mental illness is difficult to diagnose because there is not pathological change in the body.
2. Dictionary: a pathological change in the body.
3. Must be objective.
4. Sometimes physicians cannot give objective evidence for a real disease. Migraine vs. Diabetes.
5. The problem of shifting language use.
6. Migraine better labeled a syndrome: a group of symptoms that collectively indicate or characterize a disease.
7. Disorder also applies; a medical disorder is a state in which there is deviation from the normal functioning of physiological processes not of pathological origin.
8. What is the difference: BPD 2 vs. Migraines? Theory or fact?

C. How did we get here?

1. NIMH, Drug Manufacturers, Television education.
2. The Grand Theory of Everything.
3. We do not know how antidepressants work.
4. The next question is do antidepressants work?
5. I do not want to look like Tom Cruise!
6. Romans 14: withhold judgment.
7. The current state of medicine is a great opportunity.

D. What is True?

1. Psalm 19:2-11
2. John 17:17
3. What are you going to believe: Theory or Truth?
4. How do I parse my way through this?
5. Never call sin a disease!
6. Never call anything sin the Bible does not clearly identify as sin.

E. The List!

1. PTSD. Worry on Steroids! No Pathology. Use the Bible!
2. ADD/ADHD. No conclusive pathology. MRI studies are flawed. Use the scriptures. Warning: not every child labeled ADHD is well. Look for another neurological disease or disorder.
3. OCD. PET scanning is not conclusive. Use the scriptures. Always be gracious!
4. SAD. No pathology. Use the scriptures
5. BPD 1. No pathology, but leave room for questions. You can not counsel people who are out of touch with reality. Use the Bible when they are back in reality.
6. BPD 2 and all variants. No pathology, use the Bible.
7. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: a syndrome that really is a disease. Expect as much as you can depending on their level of function
8. Crack Babies: mythology vs. a mixed picture.

F. How to dialogue convincingly with counselees who believe they are unable to deal with sin in their lives because of a physical ailment.

1. Romans 5:12, James 1:2-5, Romans 8:28 - Everyone has problems and God wants to use them.
2. Motive matters in anorexia and everything else.
3. 2 Corinthians 5:9 - I want to glorify God with my life more than I want to breathe.
4. Matthew 22:37-39 - Love God and others.
5. John 14:21 - The one who loves keeps His commandments.
6. John 13:17 - There is joy in serving Jesus, washing dirty feet.
7. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 - Not everyone wants help. Some just come to talk.
8. Counselees with the right motive can and do change.

Matthew 6 and Worry Part 1

Dr. Charles Hodges

I. Worry is a common Problem in the U.S. Today
     a. Add up GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, OCD, Anorexia Nervosa, Somatization Disorder,
         Hypochondriasis, and PTSD and perhaps 25% of Population are affected.
     b. Anxiety/Worry defined as apprehensive expectation that occurs most days of the month for more than 6 months
          which the individual cannot control.
     c. Symptoms: restlessness, feeling keyed up on edge, easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle
          tension, and sleep disturbance.

2. Rule out underlying medical illness.

    a. Hyperthyroidism, Cushing’s disorder and others.
     b. Medication commonly prescribed.
     c. Over the counter medicine such as Sudafed.
     d. Foods with caffeine.
     e. Herbal supplements.
     f. Substances of Abuse and withdrawal from them.

3. Medical treatment.
     a. sedatives, antidepressants. Relapse rate 25% after 1 month and 80% within one year after medication stopped
    .b. cognitive therapy.

4. What does the Bible say about this? Matthew 6.
     a. Seek ye first His kingdom and Righteousness. Do not worry about tomorrow.
     b. Two problems. We want things God does not want us to have. We want God to guarantee a supply in the future.
     c. Word for worry that Jesus uses is merimnao. Jesus COMMANDS us not to worry. It is a command meant for
         our good, which God enables us to obey.

5. What do we worry about?
     a. The opinions of others. Verse 1-8
     b. Money. Verse 19-20
     c. The things that we treasure.
     d. The clear eye/heart and the dark eye/heart.
     e. What are men staring at? Romans 13:9
     f. Who is staring at you? Romans 14:21
     g. The future. Verse 25
     h. Health. Vs 27 Jeremiah 29:11

6. Why do we worry?
     a. Too little faith. {Verse. 30}
     b. We act like the lost. {Verses 31,32}
     c. We put other things ahead of God. {Verses 33,34}
     d. We want tomorrow guaranteed! {Verse 34}

How to Handle Worry - Part 2

Dr. Charles Hodges

1. PRAY!! {Philippians 4:6}

2. Rejoice that you have a difficulty because God will use it to reveal something about
    your heart (verse 4) and bring about something good (Romans 8:28-29) - the
    development of more Christlike character in you.

3. Let your GENTLENESS be evident to all (verse 5). Don't let the circumstances
    determine your behavior, but let the Bible (and the Holy Spirit) determine it.
    ("Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put into practice).

4. DO NOT worry. DO NOT be anxious about anything (verse 6). This is a command.
    The Greek word for worry actually means to have a divided mind.
    ● Since we are commanded not to worry, therefore, it is SIN, which is actually good news for us
        because we can confess sin. We choose to do it. It is not a disease or condition over which we
        have no control. Worry is ruminating (repetitive thing about something that you can do nothing
        about). Ask God's forgiveness, and then ask Him to help you think about things you CAN do
        something about.
    ● What God has commanded He will enable us to do if we ask in faith (James 1:2-8).
        The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to us. (Ephesians 2:20)!
    ● Dr. Hodges Drill: Instead of worrying continuously, only allow yourself to pray about the
        situation three times a day ONLY: morning, noon, and bedtime. In between as soon as you
        recognize you are worrying:
          1. STOP it.
          2. Confess it
          3. Ask God's forgiveness
          4. Ask for His enablement and strength to think about something else
          5. Recite Philippians 4:4-9
          6. The sooner you start doing this, the shorter time lapses become between starting
               and stopping each worry "outbreak"
    ● There is a Biblical precedent for asking God for a better situation or solution (but limit
         this to only 3x per day) because Jesus did so in the garden of Gesthemene ("If it be possible
         let this cup pass...nevertheless, not my will but yours be done"). BUT: you must be willing
         to persevere, be willing to stick it out if God doesn't have a different agenda.

5. We are promised that the PEACE OF GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard
        our hearts and minds if we do these things (verse 7).
    ● Caution: to allow yourself to think about counterproductive scenarios (like "what if's") will
         retard the work God is doing in your heart and prohibit you from being engaged in your
         responsibilities.

6. Think about whatever things you CAN do something about (normal concerns) that you CAN
        do something about. Worry is over things you can't do anything about. Think about things
        that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy (verse 8).

7. DO the things you should (verse 9) whether you feel like it or not. This means housework,
       devotions, exercise, eating right, caring for husband and family, attending Church, using your gifts.
       Don't baby yourself! Keep busy doing what you should be doing. If you don't fulfill your
       responsibilities during the day, you won't sleep at night.

HINT: If you can't sleep, pray for others when you wake up, not yourself (constitutes worry).
       He's found the devil doesn't want us doing this and usually gives up pretty quick if we
       pray for others.

Five O'clock Husband

Dr. Charles Hodges

I. Remember Husbands number one role is leading by serving. Matthew 20
A. To be Lovers, husbands must be imitators! Ephesians 5:1
     1. Imitate God and follow Christ who gave himself up.
     2. Husbands must give up as Christ Did. Ephesians 5:25
     3. We give up in verses 4-12 immorality, impurity, greed.
     4. We give up off color jokes, and profanity.
     5. We give up unfruitful deeds of darkness such as immoral movies, TV, Magazines.
     6. We give up the world view of marriage.
B. To be Lover we must hold a Biblical view of marriage.
     1. Do what Jesus did for the Church!
     2. This is what Christ gave. This is what we must give!
     3. He taught. Matthew 5: 1. Ha sat down and taught them.
     4. He led. Matthew 9: 9 8: 22
     5. He fed. Matthew 15: 30
     6. He felt compassion for us. Matthew 15: 32
     7. He protected them. Matthew 8: 23
     8. He provided housing and provided for the care of his family after He was gone. John 19:26-27
     9. He worked. Luke 2: 46 - John 13
    10. He healed. Matthew 8: 1
    11. He disciplined. Matthew 16: 33
    12. He comforted. John 11
    13. He was dependable, He did not abandon us. John 14: 18
    14. He loved us. John 13: 1
    15. He sacrificed and suffered for and because of us. Matthew 20: 17-19
    16. He had joy while He suffered for us because we would be better off! Hebrews 12: 1-2
    17. He knows us. John 2: 25
    18. He prays for us! John 17: 20
    19. He helps us. Matthew 11: 28-30
    20. He shared the Gospel with them. Matthew 16: 24-27
    21. He forgives us. Matthew 18: 35
    22. He rewards us. Matthew 19: 28-30
    23. He is gracious to us. Matthew 20: 1-16
    24. He serves us. Matthew 20: 25-28

So husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. These are just some of the things Jesus did for us. I suggest you take the list and take one off the list daily and do it. Then keep track in a diary of what you did. Then ask a friend to hold you accountable for doing it. WE do what others inspect not what they expect.

C. How much should a husband love his Wife?
     1. I should love my wife first. I John 4:19
     2. I should love my wife the most. Ephesians 5:25
     3. I should love my wife sacrificially. Ephesians 5:25
     4. I should love my wife Unmistakably.   I John 3:18
     5. I should love my wife in spite of faults. Romans 5:8
     6. I should love my wife without bitterness. Colossians 3:19
     7. I should love my wife as my own body! Ephesians 5:28

II. Husbands who love their wives will be Learners.
A. This is a Command. I Peter 3:7
     1. World says you can not understand women.
     2. This command takes time!
     3. This command takes study.
B. We are commanded to treat our wives as Fragile.
C. Learning affects our Spiritual life. Psalm 66:18

How to be a Five O'clock Husband

Dr. Charles Hodges

I. Homes have Changed.

A. Husbands are supposed to be the Head of their homes. Ephesians 5:22-23
     1. Leadership is not humility or Submission. 1 Peter 5:1-6

     2. We see a good Leader in Matthew 20.
        a. He needs workers and hires Five times that day.
        b. He pays all the workers the Same wage!
        c. This is a picture of Grace.
        d. Our Salvation is by Grace.
        e. No man can be the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church unless he is Saved by grace!

     3. Being the husband of a Christian woman is an act of God’s Grace.
        a. The men hired at Five would hire in first the next morning.
        b. I work in an office where I am the only Male employee.
            Leadership requires giving Yourself away.
        c. To be a leader, the Christian husband must Give himself to his wife and children.
        d. The Husband gives by serving Unselfishly.

           1. vs. 20-24 is an example of Selfish service.

           2. vs. 17-19 is the example of Unselfish service.

           3. Husbands are to give themselves up for their wives, Christ did for the Church. Ephesians 5:25

           4. Husbands should be Goal oriented. Ephesians 5:26-8.

           5. We set the example for self-control. Philippians 4:9

           6. We are to be Problem solvers not Problem Makers.   Ephesians 4:29 No unkind words!

           7. We are to be Teachers! 1Timothy. 2:11-12.

           8. We need to be the kind of men our wives can live with Joyfully !

B. Jesus puts an end on it!
        1. The Other Ten disciples are unhappy!
        2. Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve.
        3. They must be servants!
        4. Then he heals the blind man. The disciples were blind to
            their duty to serve!
        5. Are we blind to that duty as husbands?

Raising Children is a Job and God Wants to Help You!

Dr. Charles Hodges

Introduction.
1.Raising kids is a job!
    a. Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when
         he is old, he will not depart from it.
    b. God wants us to Train our Children. Deuteronomy 4:9, Deuteronomy 6:6
    c. If you don’t like work, don’t have kids.
    d. Training includes,
         Reading the Bible
         Memorizing Scriptures
         Doctrine
         Evangelism
         Fellowship
         Service to Others
    e. Training is done by word and example.

2. Raising kids is a job you must do for the right reason!
    a. Training children is a job Deuteronomy 11.13-21
    b. We train our children for the glory of God.
        1 Corinthians. 10:31, 2 Corinthians 5:9, Matthew 22.37-39, John 14:21
    c. If we have the wrong motive, we commit Idol worship.

3. Raising difficult kids is a job you can stick with!
    a. You must raise them for the right reason!
    b. God tells us to stick with it! 1 Corinthians 15:58
    c. God tells us he will go with us! Psalm 23
    d. There is always a purpose! Romans 8:28-29
    e. There is joyand wisdom in every trial. James 1:2-5
    f. God has a plan for our wisdom. Jeremiah 29:11
    g. There is a great day & reward coming. 2 Corinthians 5:10 Matthew 25:21

4. Raising Kids is a job that takes time. Matthew 22:37-39
    a. If we love God we will submit to our role. Ephesians 5:21-23
    b. Our role requires us to train our children in the same way Jesus provided for the church.
    c. When we fail to do the discipline and instruction we raise angry children. Ephesians 6:4
Remember Absalom.

5. Raising kids is a job God will bless you for doing! Psalm 127:1-5
Except the LORD build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Biblical Parenting for the New Millennium - Session 1	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Biblical Parenting for the New Millennium - Session 3	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Biblical Parenting for the New Millennium - Session 4	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start

Making Good Biblical Choices	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Fixing Your Self-Esteem - Part 1	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Fixing Your Self-Esteem - Part 2	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
A Father's Advice on Father's Day	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Body, Heart, Soul, Spirit, Mind and Behavior	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Disease or Not?	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Mathew 6 and Worry Part 1	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Mathew 6 and Worry Part 2	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Five O'clock Husband - Love Your Wife	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
How to be a Five O'clock Husband	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start
Raising Children is a Job and God Wants to Help You	Notes	Listen to this Lesson	May take a minute or two to start

H. Fifth session: Changing to a Biblical standard.
	1. The counselee must change the basis on which inaccurate inferiority judgments. 2. Help the counselee place his perceptions in categories. 3. First category is inaccurate.
		a. Nobody cares about me or loves me. b. I can’t do anything right. c. Counselee must make an honest appraisal according to the scriptures.

	4. Second category is accurate but not sinful.
		a. I’m to short or fat. b. I’m not very smart or I’m a slow learner. c. I’m not a good singer, speaker, or athlete. d. Problem begins with comparison which scripture says is unwise. 2 Cor.10:12. e. Comparisons are often made for the purpose of praising or commending ourselves and should not be done. f. Pride is often the root of these comparisons. g. When pride in appearance, achievement, intelligence, or skill becomes more important than glorifying God, it prevents us from using the gifts we do have to benefit others. 2Cor.5:9 h. Counselee must replace comparison and pride with contentment in gifts God has given and using them to serve others.

	5. Third category is accurate and sinful.
		a. I’m lazy, undisciplined, or have a quick temper. b. I’m a terrible husband or don’t manage time well. c. I get angry easily. d. Counselee usually expects allowances to be made for them. e. Repentance, confession, forgiveness, restitution, progressive sanctification will need to be applied. f. May need to learn new Biblical behavior for role as husband, wife, child, parent, employee, church member, or neighbor. May need to learn to deal with anger, fear and worry and other skills to replace old behavior.

	6. Counselee must respond Biblically to being sinned against.
		a. Must abandon attitude that every event is a disaster. b. Put on a Rom.8:28-29, James 1:2-5 view of trouble. c. This allows them to look at offenders differently and apply Romans 12:18-20 to them. Use the 6 steps of dealing with anger here. d. Instead of fear or anger they can respect what God is going to do in their lives. e. Learn to deal with Problem people. Matt.5;23-25, 18:15, 2Tim. 2:24-26. James 2:12-13. f. Learn and use a Biblical pattern for forgiveness.

	7. Perfectionism and legalism need to go.
		a. Derived rules of the house are not equivalent to scripture. b. Personal preferences should not be applied as scripture. c. Counselee must put off the practice of keeping the rules in order to feel accepted.
I. Nearly done. Counselee must choose.
	1. Joshua 24:14-15, Children of Israel had to choose who they would serve: the gods of the Egyptians or God. 2. Egyptians had Gods for every need, but they were powerless. 3. Seeking to raise self esteem to feel and act normally is similar idol worship and it is powerless to correct emotions and behavior. 4. Instead, choose to glorify God by loving Him and your Neighbor and serving both. Happiness, joy, blessedness follows. John 13:17

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